Female Solidarity

There is much I don’t have time to write about. I hear, see, think and note so many things here. Cambodia is a contradiction: beautiful, stubborn emerging and performing a balancing act on the tight rope that is its future. I have begun to see ‘her’ for who ‘she’ is and to love ‘her’ for that.

Cambodia is feminine. There is no doubt about this. Koosh makes this observation in one of our discussions (in the few instances that we have met, me and Koosh have beautiful poetic discussions like ancient philosophers). Women are indeed the backbone of Cambodian society. With their composed manner they steer , guide and lead inconspicuously.

There is something else I notice about the women here. They seem comfortable in their skin and content with themselves. One of the differences between our western and this (the Cambodian) society is the authentic and unpretentious female solidarity I observe in day to day life. There is absence of spiteful antagonism and envy. Women don’t measure themselves against each other here but they take account of their collective strength.

I think at times that women in the West are becoming more masculine by the day. Feminism, empowerment, liberation and equal rights in employment and society are gifts that previous generations have given us. But are we misinterpreting and misusing it today? What are we struggling to prove?  Like boys I see women competing against each other. They have entered a world of mud wrestling, a fight to prove their worth, struggle for their physical attractiveness usually discontent with what they see and not being thankful for their most beautiful features. Someone is waving a carrot in front of their nose. They fight for status, strive to be ‘male’ and a female at the same time (to have a career, to reproduce, to be the best lover, to be the best looking one). They envy. They waste energy and time.  And I don’t think that they even realise this half the time. All this has saddened me deeply as an observation.  I will not lie to you: at times it has had a devastating impact on my life. I am comfortable in my skin and don’t have time for such exhausting and energy draining interactions.

Here I have not encountered yet sly flattery: women mean their compliments to each other and admire each other quietly and respectfully. They support each other and don’t use one another to progress their agendas and objectives stepping over each other. They are not threatened by each other.

As I chat with Chandra and her sister at Bel’s house, I feel this connection. There is a different sisterhood and solidarity between us, in the same way that there is between me and Ming Pow , the girls and women of the guest house I am staying at, in the same manner that I have this with my three female teachers and the women I encounter at shops, in the market, at roadside cafes in the countryside. Perhaps this is a naïve observation and a sweeping generalisation ( which I generally hate to make!); perhaps I have spoken too soon but perhaps my instinct is correct. This is my subjective view, the realisation has hit me quite hard from the first few days of my stay here, I have quitely digested and pondered on it and I feel quite certain about it.