At the temples

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As I carefully go down the steps of an ancient temple, I mutter to myself: ‘I could actually fall here’. ‘Don’t tempt fate’, advises a warning voice',  I lift my eyes to see a young tour guide smiling at me. ‘You might not be able to see them, but the spirits are here and they might just give you a push’.

I would have hoped that the spirits and I forged a strong and lasting friendship at sunrise. Today I woke up at 5 am, and met Phalla at 530 to be at the Angor Wat temple in time for sunrise. Angor Wat is the grandest but not the oldest temple in the Angor area. Phalla has insisted he accompanies me on my first visit to the temples. 'You are my volunteer, you help me so much' , he says. But when we get there he lets me to enter Angor Wat on my own and I am grateful. This is a personal experience.

The site is busy at 6 am, busier than I would have liked. But then again this is the cool season in Cambodia when tourists flock the Angor Wat area. The dawn light is mystical and I cross the bridge that leads me to the temple site. I don’t want to miss the sunrise but it is impossible to rush here. I walk mesmerised. There is beautiful music coming from a pagoda somewhere. I climb up the steps of the imposing temple in the middle of the Anghor Wat. Something stirs inside me. I am overwhelmed by my own being. Black and white spirits, fears and hopes, baggage and memories, sadness and happiness, the pressure of the past and the bliss some of the happiest moments of my life are all unleashed in the corridors of the temple noisily floating around me. I surprisingly find a quiet east facing spot on a high point. It looks like it has been reserved for me.  I sit still as my restlessness is painfully kicking me from within. But all I am able is to be still, watching the sunrise and feeling simultaneous unease and release.  

Inch by inch the sun is rising as if lifted by a giant invisible hand. I don’t know if this is a spiritual experience or if my subconscious has cunningly timed this. I realise what I already known: I am happy. The rest:  restlessness, questioning, troubles are human phenomena. Every now and then they overwhelm but with time and wisdom it all quietens down. After all the intensity of my humanity gives me the satisfaction, the contentment I am getting from this beautiful sunrise and this quietens eveyrthing down.

Happy I  continue with my tour. I admire the bas reliefs (figures sculptured in a temple wall)   of Mahabharata, one of the nicest books I have read. The temples in Angor area narrate stories of the Buddhist and Hindu‘religion’ , which interchangeably dominated Cambodia at different times. ‘Religious’ tales are depicted amongst other tales of of the empire's past warfare and glory. This is why parts of some temples are ‘missing’. When Buddhism was dominant some Hindu stories were removed and vice versa.

About two hours later I meet a smiley Phalla. Together we visit Bayen Temple entering the Angor Thom , a complex of more temples. He then leaves me again to roam Ta Prohm temple on my own. He smiles knowingly. I have just told him I love the vegetation and nature here.  

Whilst I continue my wandering, I am occasionally faced with my contradictions as well as those of this world: a peaceful ancient site conquered by hordes of tourists who sometimes just rush to photograph themselves on a site they have seen in their guide book before they go. Sometimes they annoy me other times I meet and chat to wonderful people. But my highlight at Ta Prohm aside from the impressive maze of temples, are the trees.  I think I am a true tree hugger. Imposing, gigantic trees, with their beautiful trunks and scents greet me everywhere. Their roots embrace the temple stones: a triumphant coalition of nature and human ingenuity wins you over. There are moments when I really want to share this with people I love. I really do. As I say to Phalla later I think life is for sharing. Whilst I am content in my company and self (most of the times): I cannot think of anything that makes my joy and happiness more intense and real than sharing it.

Even driving and walking around the area is an experience in itself. At Bayen temple, I wander off to a Pagoda, where I am once again amongst Cambodians this time in their festive wear paying their respects to the Buddha. Some excitable nuns jump around making me dance to the music. I enter the Pagoda and pay my respects. I watch the pilgrims bring presents for the monks. I am filled with peace and joy. Am I really here?  Then I suddenly miss Dan so much. There you go I am a living contradiction!

Tomorrow it’s my day off as the teachers have an exam with the Ministry of education.  I might head to the Tonle Sap Lake and then deposit myself in a hammock on the banks of the western barray (a manmade Angor era lake in the Angor area). I might even have a swim.

For now I sit and sip a much needed coffee with Phalla who proudly beams at my excitement. It’s just after one in the afternoon and time to meet my lovely students again.